This too shall pass

My cousin and his wife are having a baby. I am very happy for them. I have been invited to a baby shower for them on April 18.

They've been married for 4 years and have been trying since they got married to get pregnant. And they've been successful ... more than once. Unfortunately, his wife (would she officially be my cousin-in-law??) has a problem with uterine fibroids and she has miscarried each of her pregnancies.

This is the first time she's carried the baby past the first trimester. They've announced to the world that they are having a baby. They are due in July. They are having a boy. There is a baby shower this month because she may be on bedrest for the remainder of her pregnancy. When this pregnancy is done, she will most likely have a hysterectomy so this really is their only chance to have a baby.

However, because of the fibroids, there is a chance that there may be something wrong with their son. My cousin doesn't want to know. His take on it is "and what are we going to do if there is something wrong with him?"

So, they are going through this pregnancy with the stress of knowing that their son may not be healthy, knowing that their son may not make it, knowing this is their last chance regardless of the outcome. I know the stress of two out of three of these stresses; although, there's always a chance the baby will not be healthy or that the baby may not make it. This is a reality that no one really talks about.

I wish I could be happier for them than I am. I am worried for them, of course, but that is not from where my hesitation comes. My hesitation comes in the name they have chosen for their son ... Jeffrey Edward. You see, that is the name of my son who was born on April 24. The anniversary of his birth will be just 6 short days after the shower.

It's such a simple, common name and, yet, the name brings up such emotion in me. They mean no malice. They probably don't even remember that this was the name of my son for they weren't married at the time we lost him. They may not even remember I have a son. They are simply naming their son after the grandfathers.

My cousin (his mom) is very upset about the name they have chosen and feels caught between a rock and a hard place. She can't ask them to change the name of their son and, yet, she remembers that this is the name of my son and worries about how I will react. I am grateful that someone remembers him. So often it feels like I am the only one that remembers him.

I wish I could say it doesn't bother me but it does. But, as with everything surrounding my Jeffrey, this too shall pass.