I'm being irrational, right?

My parents are planning on moving from Cheeseland to Dixie. The way they are talking, they are planning on doing this before next Winter because this last Winter was just too much for senior citizens.

Why Dixie? Because my sister lives there with her family. My mom will tell me that she really liked Dixie when we lived there for 11 months 30 years ago but I believe it has everything to do with the fact that my sister is there. I mean, they're considering buying a home in the same subdivision as my sister. How could I think anything else???

Why do I believe that? Because my mom and my sister have had this special bond their entire life. I am and always have been an outsider in their relationship. My relationship was with my dad who, as he's gotten older, has withdrawn more and more since he really can't hear anything. I have tried to build my relationship with my mom. We have gone to plays downtown. We have gone to the Wisconsin State Fair. We did the Breast Cancer Walk. We took my daughter to see a children's performance of Aladdin. We used to go to big craft sales. I have said she should let me know when she wanted to go outlet mall shopping but I never hear anything. She never calls me to do anything.

Why do I think I'm an outsider and not just the way my mom is? Because I can be sitting in the same room trying to participate in a conversation they're having and can't even get their attention.

Moms love all of their children equally, don't they? I have always wanted to believe this but I'm at the point that I'm realizing it may not be the case.

1. When I told my mom that I was pregnant with my son, there was almost no reaction from her. A couple weeks later, they met us for dinner to basically apologize for not reacting. When my mom was holding my son before the nurses took him away and I never saw him again, my mom apologized to him for not seeming very excited about him but that she really did love him.

2. My daughter was born a couple years later, 5 months after my nephew. My mom gave each of them a book called "At Grandmas". My mom wrote in my nephew's book "To the love of my life" and in my daughter's book "To the other love of my life". My daughter and my husband have never noticed this inscription. I did and it eats at me all the time. I tried to convince myself that it was because my nephew was the first live-born grandchild so he was more special ... then my niece was born.

3. When my nephew was younger, my sister and brother-in-law lived in Michigan. My mom and dad would make great efforts to get over there for long weekends. They would babysit, at my sister's house, for my nephew. I would get the same number of visits but they would be for 2 maybe 3 hours at a time. My mom would use the excuse that my dad was tired or they'd plan to drive out to Rockford to see my aunt. Then, mom didn't understand why my daughter wasn't as comfortable with them as my nephew was. Gee, Mom, maybe it's because you don't spend any real time with her and you never do anything with her. This has improved in the last few years. They have never babysat my DD in her own house where she's more comfortable; it's always at their house.

4. My sister moved to Dixie. They go down there 2 or 3 times a year for 4-5 day weekends. The last time they were at my house was in January because my sister was in town for work and they were going to dinner with us. (It has to be noted that this meant that they'd have to drive back to Cheeseland in the dark. Whenever they're visiting with my family, they've got to leave to get home before it gets dark.) Before that, it for my daughter's birthday in December and I had to beg them to hang around for more than just breakfast with us. Before that for her christening and I had to beg them to come down for more than just the mass. Otherwise, I go up there and sit in their family room and talk.

5. My niece was born. She's a sweetie but my mom talks like she is just the greatest thing since sliced bread. G can do no wrong as far as my mom is concerned. Actually, outside of my nephew's temper tantrums, neither of the kids can do any wrong. I do not know if she talks the same about my DD to my sister or not.

6. My parents' dog ripped up my bathroom door in September when I watched her and I tried to get them to come down for a day to replace it when my daughter was out of school so that I wouldn't have to take more time off of work. They were already going to Dixie to help my sister after she had surgery on her toe. They never tried to reschedule it with me and the door is still ripped up.

7. When my DH scheduled his golf trip, I tried to schedule a couple of days for them to come down and help me around the house with painting and electric repairs. They've done quite a bit of this work for my sister in all three of her houses. I have only asked a couple of times for this assistance. I asked a couple of months before he was leaving. In March, my mom dislocated her shoulder and broke her arm. They scheduled a trip to Dixie during the week that DH would be gone. I figured that it was just because my mom wouldn't be able to help me and that they had forgotten I was also wanting help with woodworking and electrics. I was trying to give my mom a hard time about going to extreme lengths to not help me with my painting. She made the comment "well, you always want to schedule it around when [DH] isn't going to be home." That really hit from out of nowhere.

DH is not the most friendly person and neither is my mom. So, I think they're both waiting for the other to make this huge, grandiose effort that will never come. I believe he has a bit of social anxiety and he really only opens up when he's had a few beers. My parents are not drinkers. My mom feels that DH doesn't want them here. DH never says anything of the sort and, in his way, tries to make them welcome by offering drinks, asking questions about stuff around the house, talking politics, talking sports.

Based on the recent comments about how DH doesn't seem to want them here, I have come to believe that my mom was not happy about DS because it would forever link me to DH. I have come to believe that my mom is not as happy about my DD because she is half DH.

Now, when they move to Dixie, based on the comments about DH, I am wondering if my parents will EVER travel to Flatland to see me. And, if they do, is it only going to be for a couple of hours after their flight lands? Am I going to have to do all of the traveling for my DD to see them? And how much is that going to cost me at a time when I'm trying to pay down my debt? Plus, right now, I don't get enough vacation time to make more than one trip a year. And how am I going to explain it to my DD, who now loves to go to Grandma's House, that Grandma and Papa have moved 900 miles away so we can only seem them once or twice a year but they live less than 5 miles from her cousins and they get to see them every day?

I'm being irrational, right?